How to Cope After a Layoff: 5 Emotional Stages (And What to Do in Each One)

Sometimes when I tell people that getting laid off triggers the same grief response as losing a loved one, they think I’m being dramatic. 

But psychological research has consistently shown that our brains don’t distinguish between different types of loss. Loss is loss, and your nervous system responds accordingly.

Think about it. When you got laid off you lost so much more than just a paycheck (though that's scary enough). You lost your daily routine, your sense of purpose, your professional identity, your work relationships, your sense of security, and the future you thought you were building. 

That's massive.

I've coached over 1,000+ professionals through career transitions, many of them after sudden layoffs. What I've observed (and what aligns with psychological research on grief) is that people move through predictable emotional stages.

These stages aren't my invention. They're adapted from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's groundbreaking work on grief and loss, which mental health professionals have since applied to all types of significant loss, including job loss.

Understanding these stages won't make them hurt less, but it will help you recognize that what you're feeling is normal, that you're not stuck forever, and that there's a path through this.

Because the uncomfortable truth of the matter is that you can't skip stages, and you can't rush them. People absolutely try. They jump straight into "being positive" and "looking forward," but those unprocessed emotions don't disappear just because you’ve decided to squash them.

They always find a way to stick around and sabotage you later. 

Maybe you get an interview and can't explain your layoff without getting defensive. Maybe you accept the first offer that comes along because you're desperate to feel valuable again, then realize it's a uniquely terrible fit. Maybe you burn out three weeks into your job search because you never gave yourself time to actually feel what happened.

So today I’m going to walk you through each stage, what it actually feels like, how long it typically lasts, what you should do, and what you absolutely shouldn't. Now, I do have to add in a little disclaimer that I’m not a mental health professional and that this shouldn’t be taken as medical advice in any way.

But what this is based on is a lot of research and my direct experience coaching hundreds of people through layoffs and observing the patterns that align with studied findings on grief.

Stage 1: Shock and Denial

What It Actually Feels Like

The first stage hits differently depending on whether you saw the layoff coming. For some people, there were warning signs. Hiring freezes, budget cuts, closed-door executive meetings. For others, it came completely out of nowhere on a random Tuesday morning. Either way, when it actually happens, there's this … surreal quality to it.

You might feel numb, like you're watching your life happen to someone else. Some people describe it as being underwater. Everything feels muffled and distant. You might keep checking your work email expecting messages, or wake up and start getting ready for work before remembering you don't have a job to go to anymore. One of my clients told me she set her alarm for a week after getting laid off because her body couldn't accept that she didn't need to wake up at 6 AM anymore.

The denial isn't always obvious. You might logically know you got laid off, but emotionally, part of you is still waiting for HR to call and say they made a mistake. You might think "They'll realize how valuable I was and ask for me to come back." You might refresh your work Slack compulsively even though you've been locked out. You might have dreams where you're still at work, then wake up to the crushing realization that it wasn't real.

This protective numbness is your brain's way of preventing you from experiencing the full emotional impact all at once. It's like a psychological circuit breaker that trips when the emotional load is too intense. Your nervous system is doing you a favor. It's just not a favor that feels very good.

How Long This Stage Lasts

Typically, the shock and denial stage lasts anywhere from a few days to about a week. For some people, it's shorter, maybe to the tune of 48 hours. For others, especially if the layoff was particularly sudden or felt particularly unfair, it can stretch on for even longer. There's no right timeline. Your brain will move through this stage at its own pace.

What You Should Do During This Stage

Handle only the urgent logistics and nothing more. Your brain has limited capacity right now, so use it wisely. If you don’t have a whole lot of capacity, make sure that one of the first things you do is file for unemployment benefits. This is time-sensitive and necessary to make sure you have some income coming in while you try to transition into something new. 

Understand the terms of your severance package if you have one. Review your health insurance options and make decisions about alternative coverage if needed. Set up a basic job search email if you need one. And update your budget immediately so you know exactly where you stand financially and how long you can manage without your regular check coming in. 

That's it. 

Tell a few people you trust what happened, not everyone and they mama. Just the handful of people who will support you without judgment need to know. Don’t be afraid to say the words out loud to people who care about you because carrying this burden alone makes it significantly harder.

Let yourself feel numb without fighting it. Don't force yourself to snap out of it or stay positive. If you need to sit on your couch and stare at the wall for a day, that's fine. If you need to binge-watch an entire series, do it. Your nervous system is processing a significant shock, and sometimes processing looks like doing nothing at all.

What You Absolutely Should NOT Do

Do not apply to 50 jobs in a panic. I've seen this so many times. People get laid off on a Monday and by Wednesday they've sent out 60 applications with generic resumes and cover letters. They're operating from pure survival instinct and panic, not strategy. Those applications tend not to land interviews because they're not strategic, and then they leave you feeling even more defeated.

Do not post a LinkedIn announcement before you're emotionally ready. Once you post about your layoff publicly, you can't take it back. If you're still in shock, you're not ready to craft a message that positions you well. Wait until you can talk about it without your hands shaking.

Do not immediately accept the first opportunity that comes along just because you're desperate to feel valuable again. I had a client accept a job four days after her layoff because she couldn't stand being unemployed. The role paid $20K less than her previous salary and had red flags everywhere. She quit after three months and had to start the job search over, this time with an even shorter stint on her resume.

Do not pretend everything is fine. People do this all the time. They go to a family dinner three days after getting laid off and act like nothing happened. Then they fall apart alone at home. Pretending doesn't make it less real. It just makes it harder.

Stage 2: Anger

What It Actually Feels Like

The numbness eventually wears off, and underneath it? Rage. Pure, hot, unadulterated, justified rage.

You find yourself thinking "How could they do this to me? After everything I gave them? After all those late nights, all that loyalty, all those times I went above and beyond?" The injustice of it burns. You might be angry at your company for making the decision. Angry at your boss for not fighting for you. Angry at coworkers who got to stay while you got cut. Angry at yourself for not seeing it coming or not doing something differently. Angry at the economy, the market, the world for being unfair.

This anger doesn't always look like screaming or throwing things. Sometimes it's quiet resentment that colors everything. You see someone post on LinkedIn about their promotion and you want to throw your phone. Your partner asks how the job search is going and you snap at them. You're irritable, short-tempered, and constantly on edge.

One of my clients told me she found herself filled with rage while sitting in traffic a week after her layoff. Nothing about the traffic had anything to do with her job loss, but all that anger had to go somewhere, and the car in front of her became the target.

Here's the thing about anger though. It's a secondary emotion. Anger is almost always covering for something else. Hurt, fear, powerlessness, grief. Your brain uses anger as a shield because anger feels more powerful than vulnerability. It's easier to be furious at your former employer than to sit with the fear that you won't find another job or the hurt of feeling discarded.

How Long This Stage Lasts

The anger stage can last anywhere from a few days to several weeks. For most people, it peaks around week two or three after the layoff and then starts to soften. But anger can also resurface later when you're supposedly "over it." You might have moved on to the stage of acceptance and then you see something that triggers the anger all over again. That's completely normal so go ahead and give yourself grace.

What You Should Do During This Stage

Allow yourself to be angry, but channel it strategically. Anger is energy, and energy can be used. Vent to trusted friends who will let you rage without judgment. Journal about it. Write out everything you're angry about. Work out the fury physically if you’re physically able. Run, lift weights, hit a punching bag, do whatever gets the energy out of your body.

Recognize that your anger is real and valid, but also recognize what it's protecting you from feeling. Ask yourself: "What's underneath this anger? What am I really afraid of?" The answer might be "I'm afraid I'm not good enough" or "I'm scared I won't be able to pay my bills" or "I'm hurt that they didn't value me." That awareness doesn't make the anger go away, but it helps you understand it so that you can pivot accordingly.

And when you're ready? Start channeling that anger into action. Update your resume with the fury of someone who knows they're more talented than they were given credit for. Reach out to your network with the determination of someone who's done being passive. Apply to roles with the confidence of someone who knows their former company made a massive mistake.

Set boundaries around your anger. Give yourself permission to be angry for 30 minutes a day, then actively shift your focus to something else. This prevents anger from becoming where you live full-time.

What You Absolutely Should NOT Do

Do not blast your former company on social media. I know how tempting this is. You want to tell the world how they wronged you, expose their terrible leadership, warn others not to work there. Don't do it. Hiring managers will Google you. Recruiters check your social media. That angry post you write at midnight might feel cathartic, but it will cost you job opportunities. Companies don't want to hire people who publicly trash their former employers, even when that trashing is completely justified.

Do not burn bridges with former colleagues. You're angry, and some of that anger might be directed at coworkers who got to stay while you got cut. But you need references. You need connections. You need people who can vouch for your work. Sending a nasty text to your former boss might feel good for five minutes, but it could hurt you for years. Take the high road, even when it's hard.

Do not take your anger out on your family. Your partner, kids, or roommates didn't lay you off. They're safe targets for your rage because they won't leave you, but that doesn't mean they should absorb your anger. If you find yourself snapping at people you love, apologize. If you need to explain that you’re angry about being laid off, not at them, then do that.

Do not let anger paralyze you. Some people get so consumed by anger that they can't move forward. They spend all their energy being furious instead of taking action on their job search. Anger is useful fuel, but only if you actually use it to move.

Stage 3: Bargaining and Rumination

What It Actually Feels Like

This is the stage where your brain becomes a broken record, playing the same scenarios on repeat. "If only I had worked harder. If only I had seen the warning signs. If only I had networked more with leadership. Maybe if I reach out to my boss one more time, they'll realize they need me back."

You replay your last few weeks at the company looking for clues you missed. You analyze conversations, emails, and meetings, looking for the moment where you could have changed the outcome. You think about what you should have said and done differently.

The bargaining part shows up in different ways. Maybe you actually consider reaching out to HR to ask if they'll reconsider. Maybe you draft emails to your former boss that you never send. Maybe you fantasize about scenarios where the company realizes they made a mistake and asks you back. You're trying to negotiate with a reality that's already happened.

One client told me she spent two weeks convinced that if she could just talk to the VP one more time and explain her value, they'd create a position for her. She drafted the email 15 times. She never sent it, but the fantasy that she could fix this consumed her.

This stage is your brain's desperate attempt to regain control over something that's already done. If you can figure out what went wrong, maybe you can fix it. If you can understand why this happened, maybe you can prevent it from happening again. Your mind is searching for patterns, for reasons, for anything that will help make this make sense.

How Long This Stage Lasts

This stage can last anywhere from a week to a month, and it tends to overlap with other stages. You might be angry and ruminating at the same time. You might cycle between sadness and rumination. For some people, this stage is brief. For others, especially people who tend toward anxiety or perfectionism, it often lingers.

What You Should Do During This Stage

Acknowledge the "what ifs" without living in them. When your brain starts spiraling into "if only" scenarios, notice it. Say to yourself: "I'm ruminating again. This is a normal part of processing grief." Don't judge yourself for it, but don't feed it either.

Write down your thoughts to externalize them. When rumination is just in your head, it loops endlessly. When you write it down, you can see it more objectively. Make a list of every "what if" and "if only" that's haunting you. Then, one by one, reality-test them. Ask yourself: "Even if I had done that differently, could I have actually prevented this layoff?" The honest answer is almost always no.

Talk to someone objective who can help you see clearly. This might be a therapist, a career coach, or a trusted friend who's good at being rational. Tell them your rumination thoughts and ask them to help you reality-test. Often, we can see other people's situations clearly even when we can't see our own.

Begin taking small actions on your job search. Action is the antidote to rumination. When you're actively working toward your next opportunity, your brain has less space to obsess over the past. Update one bullet point on your resume. Send one networking message. Apply to one role. Small actions break the rumination cycle.

What You Absolutely Should NOT Do

Do not contact your former employer repeatedly asking them to reconsider. This is hard to hear, but the decision has been made. Reaching out once to ask questions about your severance or get clarity is fine. Reaching out multiple times asking them to change their mind makes you look desperate and harms your professional reputation. Let it go.

Do not blame yourself for things that were outside your control. You could have worked 80-hour weeks, been the top performer on your team, and done everything right, and you still would have been laid off if your position was eliminated. Layoffs are almost always about budgets, restructuring, and business decisions that have nothing to do with your individual performance. Stop torturing yourself with scenarios where you could have prevented this.

Do not obsess over whether specific actions caused your layoff. "If I hadn't taken that vacation..." "If I had spoken up in that meeting..." "If I had been more visible to leadership..." Stop. You're trying to find a reason that makes sense, but sometimes there isn't one. Sometimes the reason is just "the company needed to cut costs and your department got hit."

Do not delay your job search while you ruminate. It's easy to tell yourself "I'll start applying once I figure out what went wrong" or "I need to understand this first before I can move forward." That's avoidance. You don't need to have all the answers before you start looking for your next opportunity.

Stage 4: Sadness and Grief

What It Actually Feels Like

This is the stage where the full weight of the loss settles in. The numbness is gone. The anger has burned out. The rumination is exhausting. And underneath all of it is just... sadness.

You miss your team. You miss your routine. You miss knowing what you're supposed to do every day. You miss the work you were doing, or at least the sense of purpose it gave you. You miss the identity you had of being able to say "I work at [company]" or "I'm a [job title]" and have people understand exactly who you are.

The grief is real because the loss is real. You're not just grieving the job. You're grieving the future you thought you'd have. The promotion you were working toward. The project you were excited about. The relationships you were building. The financial security you counted on. All of it, gone.

This stage often comes with physical exhaustion. You're tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. Getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain. Showering feels like an accomplishment. The simplest tasks like making coffee or answering a text suddenly feel overwhelming. You might cry unexpectedly, triggered by random things. A song. A commercial. Someone asking "how are you?"

One of my clients described this stage as "living in a gray fog where nothing feels good but nothing feels particularly terrible either. Just heavy and dull and exhausting."

People around you might start saying "You should be over this by now" or "At least you got severance" or "Everything happens for a reason." Those comments, however well-intentioned, make it worse. You don't need to be over it. Give yourself permission to feel exactly what you do.

How Long This Stage Lasts

This is typically the longest stage, lasting anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months. Don’t get me wrong. It doesn't mean you're sad every moment of every day. You'll have good hours, even good days. But the underlying sadness is there, like background music you can't quite turn off.

The sadness starts to lift gradually, not all at once. You'll notice you have more energy one day. You'll laugh at something and realize it's been a week since you laughed. You'll go a full afternoon without thinking about the layoff. These are signs you're moving through it.

What You Should Do During This Stage

Allow yourself to fully grieve. Cry when you need to cry. Rest when you need to rest. Feel sad without judging yourself for it. Grief isn't something you can rush or skip. It's something you have to move through, and the only way through is through.

Keep up with the basic routines that anchor you. Even when everything feels meaningless, maintain the basics: shower, eat regular meals, move your body in some way. These routines might feel pointless, but they create structure when everything else feels chaotic. They're also signals to your nervous system that life continues, that you're still taking care of yourself.

Connect with people who understand. This is not the time to isolate completely, even though that's what you'll want to do. Reach out to people who've been laid off before. Join support groups, online communities, or just talk to friends who get it. You need to be around people who won't tell you to "stay positive" or "look on the bright side." You need people who'll say "This is really hard, and your feelings make sense."

Set small, achievable goals each day. Don't overwhelm yourself with "I need to apply to 20 jobs today." Set goals like "I'll update two bullet points on my resume" or "I'll send one networking message" or "I'll research three companies." Small goals create momentum without overwhelming you. Each small win reminds you that you're capable of forward movement.

What You Absolutely Should NOT Do

Do not isolate yourself completely. Grief makes you want to withdraw, and some solitude is necessary. But total isolation makes depression worse. You need connection, even when it feels like the last thing you want. Force yourself to say yes to at least some social invitations. Text a friend back. Show up to a video call. Connection is healing even when it feels hard.

Do not use substances to numb the pain. I'm not going to lecture you about drinking or smoking weed, but I will say this: if you're using substances to avoid feeling what you need to feel, you're just delaying the grief. It'll still be there when you sober up, except now you've added guilt and hangovers to the mix.

Do not make yourself feel worse by comparing your situation to others. Social media is particularly brutal during this stage. Everyone else looks like they have it together. Everyone's getting promoted, starting new jobs, celebrating wins. Remember: you're comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. Their struggles aren't posted. Yours just happen to be very visible to you right now.

Do not give up on your job search entirely. It's tempting to think "What's the point? No one will hire me anyway." But giving up entirely means the sadness has nowhere to go. Taking small actions, even when you don't feel like it, creates hope. Hope is the antidote to despair.

Stage 5: Acceptance and Action

What It Actually Feels Like

Acceptance doesn't mean you're happy about what happened. It doesn't mean you think it was fair or right or "for the best." It just means you've integrated the reality of it. You can think about the layoff without your chest tightening. You can talk about it without your voice shaking. You can see it as a thing that happened, not the thing that defines you.

You start to notice you're having more good days than bad days. The grief is still there, and honestly it might always be there in some form, but it's not drowning you anymore. It's more like a dull ache than a sharp pain. You can function around it.

You can see possibilities again. Not in a forced, toxic positivity way, but in a genuine "I might actually be okay" way. You start to get excited about opportunities instead of just applying out of desperation. You start to think about what you actually want instead of just what you can get.

You're taking consistent action on your job search. Some days you do a lot. Some days you do a little. But you're doing something regularly, and it doesn't feel like torture anymore. It feels like movement toward something instead of running away from something.

You can hold two truths at once: "That layoff was traumatic and unfair" AND "I'm going to land somewhere good." Both things are true. You don't have to pretend the layoff was a blessing to move forward from it.

How Long This Stage Takes to Reach

This varies wildly. Some people reach acceptance in six weeks. Others take four months. There's no right timeline. Factors that influence this include: how sudden the layoff was, whether you saw it coming, your financial situation, your support system, whether you've been through layoffs before, and your general resilience.

Don't compare your timeline to anyone else's. You're not "behind" if it takes you longer than you think it should.

What You Should Do During This Stage

Take consistent action on your job search without overwhelming yourself. You've built momentum so now you just have to maintain it. Apply to 10-15 roles per week. Have 2-3 networking conversations. Prepare for interviews. But also give yourself permission to rest when you need it. Consistent doesn't mean constant.

Build momentum with small wins. Celebrate every interview invitation, every positive networking conversation, every time someone responds to your application. These wins accumulate, and they remind your brain that good things are possible again.

Reconnect with your network authentically, not desperately. You're in a better headspace now to reach out to people. You can have conversations where you're not just asking for help. You're genuinely connecting, offering value, and building relationships. This is when networking becomes effective instead of painful.

Update your narrative about who you are and what you want. You're not the same person you were before the layoff. You've been through something hard and survived it. You've learned things about yourself, specifically what you need, what you want, and what you won't tolerate. Use this clarity to be more intentional about your next move. Don't just take any job. Take the right job.

What You Absolutely Should NOT Do

Do not rush this stage trying to force acceptance before you're ready. You can't think your way into acceptance. You can't "should" yourself into it. If you're still angry or sad, that's where you are. Trying to skip ahead just means you'll have to come back and deal with those emotions later.

Do not confuse acceptance with "being over it." You might always feel something when you think about this layoff. That doesn't mean you haven't processed it. Acceptance doesn't mean the experience doesn't matter, it just means it doesn't control you anymore.

Do not compare your timeline to others. If someone tells you they were over their layoff in three weeks, good for them. That's not your timeline. If someone's still struggling a year later, that's not your timeline either. Your pace is your pace.

Do not stop taking care of your mental health just because you're feeling better. Keep doing the things that got you here. Therapy, exercise, connecting with supportive people, and maintaining routines. Recovery isn't a straight line. You might have setbacks, and that's normal.

What to Do When You're Stuck in a Stage

Sometimes people get stuck. You're in the anger stage for three months and it's not easing up off your back. You're ruminating six weeks later and can't stop. You're stuck in a sadness so deep it's starting to look like clinical depression.

Here's how to know if you're stuck versus just moving at your own pace:

Signs you're stuck:

• Your emotional intensity isn't decreasing over time—it's the same or worse

• You can't function in basic ways (not showering, not eating, not sleeping)

• You're having thoughts of self-harm or that life isn't worth living

• You're completely avoiding job search activities for weeks at a time

• You're using substances heavily to cope

• Your relationships are suffering significantly

If you're stuck, here's what to do:

Get professional help. This is beyond career coaching territory. You need a therapist who specializes in grief, trauma, or life transitions. There's no shame in this. Layoff trauma is real trauma, and sometimes you need professional support to process it.

Rule out clinical depression. If you've been deeply sad for more than two months, struggling to function, losing interest in things you used to enjoy, and feeling hopeless most days, you might have depression. This is medical, not personal weakness. Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Change your environment. Sometimes we get stuck because we're in the same space ruminating on the same thoughts. Travel if you can afford it, even just for a weekend. Stay with a friend. Work from a coffee shop instead of home. Physical movement can create mental movement.

Set a deadline for processing. Give yourself explicit permission to be in your feelings for a set time, then make a commitment to take one action step. "I'm giving myself this week to be sad. Next Monday, I'm sending five applications." Sometimes structure helps when nothing else does.

Do something completely different. Take a class in something unrelated to your career. Volunteer. Start a project. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves we're capable of things beyond our career identity.

Your Personal Timeline (And Why It's Different From Everyone Else's)

I wish I could give you an exact timeline: "You'll feel better in 8 weeks." But it doesn't work that way. Your timeline depends on dozens of factors.

Factors that influence your timeline:

How sudden was the layoff? If you were blindsided on a random Tuesday, it typically takes longer to process than if you saw it coming for months.

How attached were you to the job? If you loved your work, your team, and your company, the grief is deeper. If you were already thinking about leaving, the processing is often faster.

What's your financial situation? Having six months of savings creates breathing room. Having two weeks of savings creates panic. Financial stress extends every stage.

What's your support system like? People with strong support networks tend to move through stages faster. People who are isolated or have unsupportive families struggle more and longer.

Have you been through this before? If this is your first layoff, everything feels new and scary. If you've been through layoffs before, you have evidence that you survived and will again.

What else is happening in your life? A layoff during a divorce, during a parent's illness, or after a recent move all compounds traumas and extends your processing time. Your nervous system can only handle so much at once.

What's your attachment style and mental health history? People with anxiety disorders tend to get stuck in rumination. People with depression tend to get stuck in sadness. People with secure attachment styles tend to move through stages more fluidly. I've seen people reach acceptance in four weeks and I've seen people still struggling at six months. Both are valid.

Your Immediate Next Steps

Do these three things today:

Identify which stage you're in right now. Read back through this guide and note which description matches your current experience. Just naming it helps. You can't navigate a process if you don't know where you are in it.

Give yourself permission to be exactly where you are. Stop judging yourself for not being "over it" yet. Stop comparing your timeline to others. Stop rushing your process. You're exactly where you need to be right now.

Do one small thing that moves you forward. If you're in shock, handle one logistics item. If you're in anger, journal for 10 minutes. If you're in rumination, write down one "what if" and reality-test it. If you're in sadness, text one person you trust. If you're in acceptance, apply to one role. One small action. That's all.

You're Not Stuck, You're Processing

I know it doesn't feel like it, but movement through these stages IS progress. Even when you're in the thick of anger or sadness, you're doing the work. You're processing something hard instead of avoiding it. That matters.

Getting laid off is one of the most destabilizing experiences a working adult can go through. Give yourself credit for surviving it. Give yourself grace for how messy the survival looks. Give yourself time to heal before expecting yourself to be "normal" again.

You're going to get through this. Not because "everything happens for a reason," but because you're resilient and you're doing the work.

Ready for Some Support?

If you're struggling to figure out what's next or how to position yourself after a layoff, join our next free workshop where I'll help you gain clarity on your next move and help you start building momentum. This isn't about forcing positivity, it's about creating a practical plan forward. Grab your spot here.

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